Breaking Point
by Jordana Amore
Summary: Has one detective finally reached a breaking point? Is one partnership destroyed for good?... What would make a man so in love with his job, so dedicated to helping people reconsider his assignment?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Ok, this isthe beginning of astory I had saved on my computer for a couple of months now but I never posted itbecause I didn't think people would like it. Anyway, I was recently cleaning up my hard drive and decided to give it a chance instead of just deleting it._

_So let me just start by saying some of you might find this particular story line hard to believe but then again this is fiction…So although this probably isn't something you'd see on the show, I did do my best to keep everyone in character (perhaps the greatest challenge in fan fiction.) Okay consider yourself warned._

_Please review and let me know if its worth continuing._

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**Disclaimer: I do not own the show or the characters.**

* * *

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" he shouts at her back as he follows her though the squad room. They're shouting in the middle of the busy 16th precinct.

She stops, hands on her hips, head tilted back. She knows she should just ignore him because it's been a long day. They're both irritable. Tough case. No sleep. Now really isn't the ideal time to get into it with her partner. He has been on edge all week. Cold and distant one moment, hot and angry the next, randomly launching into fits of rage. He had hit two suspects this week alone. Cragen even threatened to bounce him from the department. Something was up at home but he wouldn't open up about it. Usually she would ask him about it until he gave it up, but this week she wasn't in the mood. She was tired of being the one who always had to go out of her way for him, tired of him shutting her down and treating her like crap. She had her own problems and she never got so much as a sympathetic look from him lately. She understood he had a lot to deal with but there's other people in the world.

Olivia turns around. "Don't I dare? Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I was talking to you," he growls.

"God Elliot. You know, I'm getting tired of the angry cop routine. Why don't you just grow up!"

"Yeah, and I'm getting tired of the sympathetic martyr act."

"Fine. Then leave me the hell alone."

"No. I want an answer."

Olivia sighs and rolls her eyes. "Go home Elliot." She starts to walk away again in hopes of avoiding further conflict. He could use a break, they both can.

Elliot refuses to drop it. He goes after her, grabs her elbow and swings her around to face him. "Answer me, damn it."

"Let go of me," she demands twisting her arm away from him. "I'm not one of your kids. You can't order me to do anything."

"When did you become such a bitch?"

She grins and places her hands on her hips. "A few months ago, but you were too self-involved to notice."

"Oh that's real smart," he mocks. "Too bad you're not that smart when it comes to your job."

"Excuse me?" .

"You were the only one who couldn't tell Jamie Keller was lying. Come on Olivia, every other word out of her mouth was a contradiction, but you just didn't see it."

"Screw you!" They've fought before but he has never accused her of incompetence on the job.

"No. Screw you! Oh that's right half the unit has. Give my best to Brian will ya."

"Wow. You bastard," she breathes angrily. "No wonder your wife left you."

Elliot's blood boils, his teeth clench and he sees red. His hands ball into tight fists and before he knows it, before he can stop himself, his arm cocks back and then lurches forward with all the strength his body can muster behind it.

The blow lands just above her left cheek bone. She stumbles backwards into the desk but manages to regain her balance before falling. Instantly the people around them spring into action. Fin and a couple of officers grab Elliot while Munch rushes over to Olivia, whose covering her face with her hands.

"Oh my God," Elliot mumbles to himself. He can't believe he just did that. "Oh my God," he repeats lowly. He wants to see if he hurt her but the other officers won't let him.

"What the hell is wrong with you man!" Fin's shouting at Elliot as he keeps him at bay.

"I…I didn't mean to. Is she okay? Oh God. What did I do?" Elliot rambles. He's starring at his friend trying to comprehend what really just happened.

Munch takes Olivia by the arm and helps her to a chair. "You alright, Liv?"

"Mmm, what?" She seems disoriented. "Did Elliot just hit me?" she asks in shock.

"Yeah," he answers lowly. "Here let me see." He attempts to pull her hand away from her eye but she snaps her head back. "Come on Olivia, I just want to see if you're alright."

She lowers her hand to reveal the fresh bruise. "Jesus Liv," Munch mutters recoiling slightly.

"John?" John?" Olivia cries suddenly.

"What?"

"I…I can't see. I can't see out of my left eye." Her voice is dripping with nervousness.

"Alright, relax sweetie. We'll have a doctor look at it." Munch rises and helps Olivia up. He turns to Fin, who's still restraining Elliot, not for fear that he'll hurt her again but fear that he'll upset her. "Fin, I'm gonna take her to the hospital. Let Cragen know where we are."

"Yeah, sure. What's wrong?" he asks glancing at Olivia.

"I think he might have shattered her cheek bone. She's having trouble seeing. Could be a collapsed eye socket or something," Munch answers purposely glaring at Elliot.

Elliot opens his mouth to speak, to apologize, but before he can find the words Olivia turns her head towards him. The ugly bruise shocks him and suddenly he can't find the words. Without saying a word to him Olivia walks out of the precinct with Munch.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Okay, I got some encouraging reviews so I decided to continue. So thank you. _

_Also, please excuse any medical inaccuracy… I did my best. _

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Olivia sits on the exam table in the emergency room waiting for the doctor to come back. Her legs dangle off the table, kicking back and forth like a small child's. She has gained back some vision in her left eye buteverything still a bit blurry.

"Will you sit still?" Munch says as he paces the small area in front of her.

"Sorry, I'm just…I really hate hospitals. I want to go," she wines.

Munch takes a seat across from her. "No one likes hospitals. And you can't go yet. Dr. Glass barely looked at you," he tells her. "Just wait a few minutes, he said he'd be right back."

"Ugh, this sucks."

Munch smiles. "Don't be such a baby Liv."

"You know, you could go. You don't have to be here," she returns with a glare.

"I know, but I want to stay."

"God, why?" she groans.

"For moral support," he answers with an innocent grin.

Olivia laughs slightly. "Well, you're not very good at it."

"Sorry."

"That's alright. I'm glad I have some company. This is so boring."

Munch rolls his eyes. "Only you would complain about boredom in a hospital."

"Just shut up and entertain me," she says laughing.

"Alright," Munch says standing up. "Seen any good movies lately?"

"Heard any good conspiracies lately?" she retorts with a smirk.

He shakes his head. "Fine. You don't like my choice of topic, then pick one yourself."

"No, its fine."

They continue to talk till Dr. Glass returns. "Sorry about that. It's kind of hectic in here," he explains briefly.

"No problem," Olivia answers.

"So Doc, what's the deal?" Munch asks giving a slight nod towards Olivia.

Dr. Glass takes a quick glance at his clip board before addressing Olivia. "Well, the physical exam was a bit inconclusive so we're going to take an x ray to determine if it is a zygomatic fracture."

"A what?" Munch inquires.

"Broken cheekbone," Dr. Glass clarifies. "If so, there's a good chance you'll need surgery to correct the problem. However, there is a chance that its just a soft tissue injury…a really bad bruise. If that's the case then it should heal with time." He pauses to give Olivia a chance to speak but she doesn't make a sound. "Do you have any questions Miss Benson?"

Olivia shakes her head. She's a little overwhelmed. Surgery-it seemed like such a big deal. It was just one punch. One stupid punch. "Sorry…yeah. What about the blurry vision? How long is that going to last for?"

"Depends," Dr. Glass answers. "If it is a soft tissue injury, your vision should clear up when the swelling goes down… in a few days."

"And if its not?"

"That's where the surgery comes into play."

"Okay," Olivia replies quietly.

"Good. Someone will be in shortly to take you to x-ray. In the mean time, I could get you something for the pain."

"That won't be necessary," Olivia tells the doctor.

"Are you sure? Facial fractures can be very painful."

"I know. I just don't want to be out of it."

"Liv, just take the painkillers," Munch interrupts.

"Well, if you think you can deal with the pain, then I'll get you some Tylenol. That might help a little. And I'll write a script for something a bit stronger just in case the pain gets worse later," Dr. Glass says as he jots something down on the clipboard.

"Thank you."

The doctor exits, leaving the two detectives alone in the small exam room. Munch paces for a few more minutes before sitting on the chair across from her.

"So," he starts as he pulls his chair closer.

Olivia eyes him with a tinge of amusement. "So," she repeats.

"Why must you always mock me?" John asks shaking his head.

She laughs. "Well, look at you. You're pacing and fidgeting. You're acting weird-more so than usual. If you want to ask me something then ask. When have you ever been one to bite your tongue?"

Munch smiles. "How well you know me Olivia." He shifts his body on the chair once again. "So, what happened…with Elliot?"

"Now was that so hard," she teases.

"Look if you don't want to talk about it then just forget I asked."

"No. No. I don't care. We got into a fight. He hit me. That's about it," she answers calmly.

"Okayyy," Munch responds. He thinks about just leaving it alone but he can't. "But why? That's not like him."

Olivia shrugs. "Actually, it's just like him. He gets angry and hits suspects and perps all the time. It's not exactly a shock that Elliot Stabler lost his temper."

"Yeah," Munch agrees. "But he hit you. You're his partner, his friend, and a woman. That's not like him at all."

"I guess I must have really pissed him off. I mean, I knew that comment about his wife was out of line as soon as it came out of my mouth but I couldn't stop myself."

"So you think you provoked him?"

"No. I mean, maybe…kind of." John gives her a disapproving look. "No John, it's not like that. Believe me, I'm not accustomed to letting men smack me around and making excuses for them, but I know Elliot. He's not that type of man. You know that. I know that. But I pushed him. I knew he was angry and I just kept pushing. It's like I knew exactly what to say to make him snap and I said it. I guess that's just a part of being partners. He's been under a lot of stress lately with work, the kids, the divorce. He was on edge all week. I don't know…I should have just walked away. It was stupid."

"Liv, its not your fault he lost it. Elliot needs to deal with his anger."

"Yeah, you think?" she says dryly.

There's a knock on the door. They turn their heads to see a female nurse with a wheelchair. "That better not be for me," Olivia says eying the chair.

"I'm sorry, it's hospital policy," the nurse tells her. "It's just to take you up to x-ray."

"I have a black eye. There's nothing wrong with my legs."

"I know. I'm sorry, but it's policy," the nurse repeats meekly .

"Nurse, you're wasting your time. She's not getting in that chair. She's far too stubborn," Munch chimes in.

"I am not," Olivia insists. "I just refuse to sit in that thing. It's completely unnecessary."

"See what I mean," Munch says leaning towards the nurse. "Just let her walk. Otherwise, she'll never shut up."

The nurse lets out a sigh. "Fine. Follow me."

* * *

"Please, just tell me if she's okay," Elliot pleads with his co-worker at the precinct.

Fin places the phone receiver in it's craddle. "I don't know. Munch said they're waiting on x-rays."

Elliot exhales and covers his face with his hands. "X-rays? Oh God, what did I do?" Fin gives his friend a long look. That's like the sixth 'Oh God' he has muttered.

"The Captain's coming in. He's going to want to talk to you."

"Yeah, I know," Elliot sighs. Suddenly he jumps out of his seat. "I got to go see her."

Fin goes after him and grabs him arm. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I need to know if she's alright. I need to apologize."

"Just leave it alone, man. She probably doesn't want to see you right now. Give it some time."

Elliot takes a seat again. "I didn't mean it. You have to believe me. I don't know what happened. I just lost my temper. I didn't even know what happened till I saw her standing there with her head in her hands."

"Yeah," Fin replies quietly.

"I have to see her," Elliot repeats sadly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry about the longdelay in updating.**

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Dr. Glass returns with Olivia's x-ray films. Throwing them onto the board and hitting the light switch he begins to explain what he sees to Olivia and Munch. "See this little line?" he asks pointing to something neither of the detectives could make out.

"Um sure," Olivia lies.

"That's the fracture," the doctor reveals.

"So am I going to need surgery?" she asks nervously.

"Well, you're vision seems to be clearing up on its own, which means its probably a result of swelling around the fracture. And since most fractures heal on their own I don't think surgery is necessary just yet. However, if you vision doesn't continue to get better with time, we might have to resort to a surgical solution." He pulls the x-ray films from the boards.

"Okay," Olivia replies.

"Alright, I wrote you a script for some painkillers. I know you didn't want them but just in case you change your mind…take as needed, whenever the pain gets to be more than you can stand. But I warn you, they're pretty strong."

"Okay, thanks," she says nodding, even though she has no intention of taking them.

"Do you have any more questions?" he asks. Olivia shakes her head no. She was still having troubling grasping the whole situation. "Alright, then I'll get your discharge papers ready and you can go."

* * *

"What are you doing?" Olivia asks looking back at the street they just passed. "The precinct's that way."

"I'm not taking you back to work Liv,"Munch tells her as he continues to drive straight..

"Then where are you taking me?" she demands annoyed.

"Home,"he answers.

"No," she protests. "I don't want to go home. It's still early. I got work to do. Take me back to the house."

"Nope."

"Listen John, I'm not a little kid. I could make my own decisions."

Munch turns to her for a moment. "Sorry Liv."

"I'll tell Cragen," she threatens.

"Go ahead," he grins without taking his eyes off the road. "He's the one who ordered me to take you home."

"Ordered you?" she snaps. "I can't believe this." Olivia shakes her head angrily. "Well at least take me back to the house to get my stuff."

"I'll drop off whatever you need later."

"Look," she returns firmly. "I know what you're trying to do John. You can't keep me from seeing Elliot forever. What's the worst that could happen? He hits me again?" she says rolling her eyes.

"That's not it," John answers. "Cragen just thinks everyone should have some space."

"Space? Oh please."

"I have my orders Olivia. Do you really want to get me fired?" An innocent smiles rests on his lips.

"Fine John. Take me home," Olivia concedes bitterly. She folds her arms across her chest, pouts her lips and slumps back against the car seat. "You know this really isn't fair. I'm the one who gets hit and I get sent home."

"Come on Liv, don't give me that look. Besides Stabler's getting sent home too."

Olivia's face takes on a more serious expression. "Oh," she says quietly. "You talked to him?"

"No, I talked to Fin."

"So where is he?" Olivia asks leaning up a bit.

"Who? Elliot?" John replies. Olivia nods. "At the station. Getting screamed at by Cragen."

Olivia sits back. "Oh. So, what's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know. Fin didn't say anything about it," Munch answers.

"You don't think Cragen will fire him, do you?" she asks. She sounds concerned, nervous almost.

"I really don't know Liv. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not," she snaps. "Why would I want my partner to loose his job?"

John shrugs. "Aren't you mad at him?"

"No." Munch gives her a suspicious look. "I don't know. Maybe a little," she adds. "Okay, I'm not too thrilled with him right now, but that doesn't mean I want him to loose his job. It's his life and he has kids to support."

"Do you think he should be transferred, or suspended?"

"I don't know John. Whatever Cragen decides."

"Well, what do you think should happen to him?"

She pushes a hand through her hair and sighs. "I have no idea."

* * *

It's been only a couple of hours since she got home and she's already going stir crazy. She wants to go back to work. She wants to be busy. There's only so much daytime televisionone womancould watch. With a heavy sigh she tosses the remote control to the side and pushes herself up off the couch.

Taking her cell phone in her hand she begins to dial. "Hey its Olivia," she says once he picks up.

"I was waiting for you to call," Munch responds. "So you want me to drop your things off?"

"No," Olivia answers.

"Oh, so you just wanted to hear my voice then."

She chuckles. "Cute, but no. Are you at the house?"

"Yep."

"Is Elliot there?"

"No. Cragen suspended him with no pay till further notice," Munch tells her.

Olivia cringes. A pang of guilt hits her. She doesn't know why but she feels bad for him. She hates that this is actually happening…to the both of them. "Oh," she mutters. "Well, I'm going to come by and get my stuff."

"You don't need to do that. I told you I'll bring you whatever you need."

"No, no. I want to talk to Cragen anyway."

John takes a deep breath and turns in his chair. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I'll see you in thirty minutes."

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**A/N: Okay, I promise the next chapter will feature more of Elliot's reaction. So stay tuned. : )**


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Ok, I know I have been seriously lax in updating but I've been crazy busy with school, work and family stuff. Still, I'm sincerely sorry for the delay. Thanks for sticking with me. **_

**_Oh, just to let you know, I don't really know where the ending for this chapter came from cause its not what I had planned, but I couldn't resist. Please review and let me know what you think._**

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There was something strangely reminiscent of high school about entering the squad room that late afternoon. As she walked through the room the hushed conversations among co-workers seemed to stop as she neared. She knew they were all talking about her, but she wasn't in the mood to deal with such immature behavior so she shook off the prying eyes and low whispers and forged on.

Before she reaches Cragen's office, Munch steps in front of her.

"Don't do it Olivia," he warns.

Olivia rolls her eyes. "Move John."

"Come on Olivia, are you really going in there to fight for a man who sent you to the hospital with a broken cheek bone?"

"Fractured," she corrects as if it makes a difference. Munch shakes his head and gives her a disapproving look. "Don't make me feel guilt about this too," she whispers.

"What do you have to feel guilty about? Elliot's the only one who should feel bad."

"You don't get it," she tells his sadly.

Munch crosses his arms over his chest. "What don't I get? I have a partner too, you know."

"Yes. And I've seen you fight all the time, but you still care about him."

"Fin never hit me and I've never hit him," Munch responds.

She shakes her head. "So? What if he had? Would it be that big of a deal?" Before he has a chance to answer she continues. "No! Because men get into physical altercations all the time. You'd get over it, right? Apologize and move on. But because I'm a woman and Elliot's a man, all of a sudden it's a huge deal."

"That's not true," he counters.

"Oh, bull sh-"

"Fine," he cuts her off. "Fine. Maybe on some level you're right, but that doesn't change things. What he did was wrong. Period."

"I don't condone what he did. I just need to know what's going to happen to him," she says pushing past him.

* * *

The door to Cragen's office is closed so she knocks and waits for permission to enter. Don's voice calls out gruffly from behind the door, summoning her in. "Olivia," he pronounces some what shocked. "I didn't expect to see you here." She notices he is trying his hardest not to focus on her black eye.

"Sorry Captain, I just wanted to talk to you," she replies meekly.

He motions for her to sit down. "Sure. How are you? How's the eye?"

She forces herself to smile. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"Good," he nods. "So let me guess, this is about Elliot?"

"Yes Sir," she answers simply.

Cragen frowns. He hates that something like this happened between two of his detectives, in his squad room. "Look Liv, I don't want you to worry about that. I will take care of it. Elliot will be dealt with."

"Dealt with how?" she asks as she crosses her legs and folds her hands over her knees.

"Don't do this to yourself, Olivia," Cragen pleads.

She looks at his crossly. "Do what?"

"Hold yourself responsible for whatever punishment Elliot receives."

She can't help but crack a smile. "How do you know I'm not here to ask that you give him the harshest punishment possible?"

"Are you?" he asks arching an eyebrow. She lets her eyes fall to the ground. "Didn't think so."

"I just...I don't want him to...he's not the only one who should be punished," she manages to spit out.

"Excuse me?"

Olivia runs a hand through her hair nervously. "Don't go too hard on him. It wasn't his fault. I mean it was, but not entirely."

"What are you trying to say?"

She sighs and uncrosses her legs. "We had a pretty heated argument. We both said some things…insults, accusations, and well I provoked him. He shouldn't take the fall alone."

Cragen nods. "Olivia, did he insult you? Did he say anything to upset to you?" he asks.

"Yes, but I did more than insult him. I pushed his buttons. I was trying to get a rise out of him. He just made me so mad." Her voice is strong and regretful.

"And why did he make you so mad?"

"He questioned my judgment, my competence."

"But did you hit him?" Cragen asks pointedly.

Olivia shakes her head. "No, but it's not the same thing."

"Why not?" he asks with a shrug.

She's silent for a moment, thinking. "Because he's different. I'm not...I'm not..."

"What?" he pries.

She sighs and gives in. "Angry. I'm not angry like him. I mean, he's angry all the time and sometimes he just looses it. He has a lot to handle."

"So that gives him an excuse to punch people?" he antagonizes.

"No. Of course not. But I understand why it happened. It's not like he meant to hurt me. And I know he's sorry."

"Did he tell you that?"

"I haven't spoken to him yet," she admits guiltily, fearing her previous point will now be considered invalid.

"So how do you know he's sorry?"

"Come on Cap, its Elliot. He's probably at home beating himself up." She cringes at her chosen phrase. "I mean he's probably really upset over it."

Cragen nods recalling his earlier conversation with Elliot. He was clearly regretful and overly apologetic. In fact he almost felt bad for Elliot, he just seemed so devastated, but Cragen couldn't feel too bad for any man who could hit a woman. "He is. Still, what he did is inexcusable and I will not tolerate it in my squad."

"You're going to bounce him from the unit?" she asks, her voice low and afraid. Her stomach twists in knots. She can't believe how quickly this all escalated. Elliot's life would be destroyed and it was all because of her.

Cragen sighs and scratches his head. "If it was any other man who had given you that black eye would you be in here pleading for his job."

Olivia thinks it over carefully. "No," she answers firmly. "That should tell you something."

"Olivia, you said it yourself, he's angry all the time. Is that really the kind of person you want doing this job? Its tough and its not getting any easier. You have to be there-mentally, and I don't think he is anymore. He can't let go of all the rage he has inside and it's destroying him. What happens the next time he looses it? Huh?"

"He's going through a lot," she points out defensively.

"I know, but that's not an excuse. When you strap that gun on you got to check your personal issues at the door. If he can't do that, if he can't leave all that at home, then he can't do this anymore."

"I think he has reached a point where it's all too much."

"Yes. I think he has too."

Olivia lowers her eyes. "So what's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know. I'll call around; see if I could place him somewhere more suitable for his mind state."

"Pushing papers in some country club precinct?" she asks regretfully.

"I don't know yet," Cragen tells her.

Olivia brings her hand to her head. "This is going to kill him," she says quietly. "This job is his life."

"Then he should have gone a long time ago. Passion's one thing, but you got to be able to separate yourself from the job; otherwise you just won't make it."

Olivia racks her brain for something, any sort of solution. "I'll go," she blurts out.

"What?"

"I'll leave, instead of him," she offers.

"What's that going to solve?" Cragen asks.

"I know him, Don. I know what kind of man he really is and the way he's been acting lately, that's not him."

"So? What does that have to do with you?"

Olivia closes her eyes, swallows her pride and prepares to potentially destroy her career. "We slept together."

"You what?"

"Just once. A few weeks ago. I ended it the next morning. I just wasn't in the right place. He's been off ever since." Olivia looks up to find her Captain's eyes fixed on her intently. She quickly falters under his gaze and lets her eyes fall to the ground.

Cragen can't believe what he's hearing. It takes him a few seconds to grasp what she's saying. "You and Elliot? Had sex?" he questions in shock.

"See, this is my fault."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: I'm sorry for the 2 year delay, my personal life just sort of took a turn for the worst and this story was the last thing on my mind, but I got to thinking about it recently and I feel I owe those who took the time to read the first 4 chapters some closure so here goes. Keep in mind this was written a while back during Elliott's whole separation drama and I've decided to keep it in that timeframe because otherwise Elliot wouldn't be so angry and brooding... and I need him that way for this story. Will probably be another chapter or two. Please review. **_

"I don't know what to say," Cragen tells her with a shake of his head. He looks utterly shocked, his mouth hanging open as if she stole his ability to speak. If she wasn't so embarrassed she'd laugh at her boss's obvious discomfort.

"Please, just transfer me. Suspend Elliot but let him keep his job."

"Don't you want to stay?" Cragen asks managing to find his words.

"Of course!" she exclaims enthusiastically, as if it was outrageous to question her dedication to her work . "I love this job."

"So why should you be punished?"

"Because..." she trails off as she stands and walks behind her chair, putting a couple more feet of distance between herself and her superior.

"What?"

"Look, it's obvious Elliot and I can't work together any longer. We crossed a line and we can't go back now, as much as I wish we could."

"But why should _you_ go? There were two of you that night," he points out. "And you weren't the one who lost it out there."

He's always known there was something more than partnership between Elliot and Olivia, but they had denied their obvious chemistry for so long that eventually he yielded to their insistence that the only thing that extended beyond their professional relationship was a friendship built on mutual respect and concern. Perhaps Don wouldn't have been so shocked if Olivia and Elliot were just two detectives that worked under him. Surely sex between co-workers wasn't uncommon, but they were much more than that, all his detectives were. You don't just work with other officers in SVU, you rely on them for support and understanding no one else can offer because no one else knows what it's like. Special victims was a family and he was the patriarch, the patriarch who just caught his children in bed together. Fighting and bickering he was used to and he could usually deflate by separating the dueling parties. But what was the appropriate time out period for something like this? And who should be the one to sit in the corner and hang their head in shame? This was beyond inappropriate or poorly timed, it seemed almost incestuous. The thought was too disturbing for him to pursue any further so he focused his attention back to the matter at hand. "What kind of message would I be sending to the others if I tolerated his behavior and punished you?"

Olivia pauses. He has a point. Furthermore, it was Elliot who had made the first move that night. Still, she blames herself for not stopping it, for knowing better but allowing their emotions to rule. Her mind drifts back to that night.

A judge had thrown out their confession. He said it was coerced. The case fell apart. A known child molestor walked. Elliot had been so mad. No surprise there. It had been just the latest development in a string of bad breaks and she didn't have the strength to be upset. Instead she went numb and couldn't feel a thing.

They had gone for drinks at some dive bar at John's insistence, but she couldn't blame it on alchole. He only had two beers and she barely touched her drink. Mostly they just sat around feeling sorry for themselves till she finally decided to call it a night. The guys followed suit and they all walked out together. Elliot offered to walk her home and even though she turned the offer down, he did it anyway. She knew when he insisted on walking her to her door that it wasn't about getting her home safely, he just didn't want to go home to the one bedroom apartment on the lower East side he had been reduced to renting. So she gave in and invited him inside for a cup of coffee. He accepted, almost too eagerly.

They were sitting on the couch, neither one watching the reality show on the TV in front of them, when she tried to adress the issue.

"There was nothing more we could do," she remembers saying.

"I don't want to talk about it," he retorted in his usual haste.

"Fine, just let it eat away at you," she sighed and turned away from him. But she couldn't just leave him like that. "You know Elliot," she started as she turned back to him ready to deliver a speech on the danger of keeping things bottled up. He met her words with a quick kiss and before she could even react he pushed her back on the couch and stradled her. She welcomed his tongue into her mouth as he ran a hand under her shirt and over her breast. She knew she had to stop this, but part of her didn't want to. It felt so good.

"Elliot," she breathed heavily between kisses. He didn't answer. He just continued to explore her body and nibble at her lips. "Mmm...Elliot," she repeated closing her eyes. "Elliot. This is a bad idea." Her mind was waging war with her body but her body was winning.

"Why?" he asked as he started to unbotton her blouse.

"Because," she managed before he pressed his mouth against hers. "Because we work together."

"So?" he said now working on her pants.

"We can't do this," she said kissing him back and arching her back to give him easier access. "We really can't do this," she whispered as she helped him take off his pants.

"Okay," he replied as he slid her panties off. Olivia bit her lip to keep from saying anything else. She felt like a teenager, anxious and rushed, aroused and ashamed.

She could feel his anger in his motions and part of her wanted to push him off and tell him to get out. She didn't deserve to be used as a release for his pent up rage, but then again she could be accused of using him too. She didn't feel numb when he was inside her. She felt pain, anger, and pleasure; she felt alive for the first time in weeks and she didn't want to loose that.

When he finished he rolled off her and pulled his pants back on. She too got dressed quietly. She couldn't believe what just happened and she found herself just sitting besides her partner in silence avoiding eye contact for almost twenty minutes.

Elliot got to his feet. "Mind if I take a shower?" were the first words spoken.

She looked up at him in shock. _That was it? Mind If I take a shower?_ "Um, sure. Go ahead." Once he was in the shower, Olivia got up and got changed, creeping around her bedroom like a child trying to sneak a peek in his mother's dresser drawers. She was sitting up in bed when he emerged from the fog filled bathroom wearing just his boxers and t-shirt. She watched him carefully, not sure what to do next.

"So," he said with a smile sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So," she echoed uncomfortably.

"That's something we never did before," he grinned. She didn't know how to react. There he was making jokes while she was panicking over the end of their friendship. He noted her expression. "You ok?"

She nodded and forced a smile. "Yeah. I'm just tired."

"Me too. Let's go to bed." He moved up and kissed her goodnight. She didn't kiss him back but she didn't pull away either.

"You're staying?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah. If you don't mind," he answered settling in next to her.

Olivia shook her head. "No. No, I don't mind," she lied. She had never felt so awkward in her entire life.

"Good," he said yawning. "Night Liv." As he slept soundly beside her Olivia agonized over the situation. She barely slept that night, she was too busy thinking off all the problems that would arise out of that one brief lapse in judgement. _What did he expect now? Were they together? Or was it just supposed to be casual sex between two consenting adults? Is this how it would be every time either one of them had a rough day? Would all their demons be worked out by pounding each other every once in awhile? Work would never be the same._

She finally drifted off to bed around 4:30 am and when she woke up he was gone and she was somewhat releived. For a moment last night she feared he was getting attached. She got out of bed, stripped off her clothes and stepped into the shower. She welcomed the hot spray of water on her face and forced herself to remain under it's almost scalding down poor. She felt dirty. She had allowed herself to be used. Even worse, she had used someone she really cared about. The respect she had spent years building was gone, thrown away for few minutes of rapture, and she had no one to blame but herself.


End file.
